I was reading all the blogs of the group of missionaries in Mexico, and I got this giddy feeling, something I had to share. I forever mentally fight with God about the joy we have in Christianity, constantly nagging, “where is it, where is it”. God has answered my on multiple occasions, but being as stuborn as I am, I somehow always return to this question in an immature manner. Abouna Bishoy said in a sermon that we dont forget what we teach someone else, that we feel an ownership to that knowlede, so here goes nothing.
I remembered Africa where I did the same thing – truly chalenge God to give me this joy, and i remembered saying how can I preach to these people about the joy I have in Christ if I don’t have it, or can’t recognize it, or whatever. That day, I went to Anba Boules and told him, “Sayedna, I dont think I should go out today.” Sayedna, in the wisdom provided to him by God, said go with them. Going into the preachings, I had kind of decided that I wouldnt speak, that I would just observe and watch God work through those around me, trying to scope it out, find what there source of joy was.
Well, that lasted until we got to the site, then went out of the window. In speaking with my brothers and sisters, we shared the good news with others and spoke about the great things Christ had done for our group, and whatever was on our hearts. The funny part – come the end of the day, walking back into the church, I had the greatest joy in my heart that I have ever experianced.
The lesson Im trying to put in writing for myself more than anyone else, is that our source of joy is in the mission, but we are always fearful or whatever to start. Then we put things to God, things that are extremely logical questions in our eyes, such as not preaching without seeing the joy. But its a trap that we get stuck in, a pitfall from our enemies. Just break the cycle, and we receive our joy in mission, in preashing Christs ressurection from the dead and ascension to the heavens.
